Hi Lovelies, there isn’t anyone in my life that I can talk about this with so I’m sorry, but I’m going to rant it our to you guys and maybe writing it out will be enough for me to work it through, but if you have advice or a suggestion please, feel free.
I hate university. Not the class content, that’s interesting, but I don’t know anyone. There are three girls from my high school that I see rarely. My lectures have more people in them then I had in my graduating class. Never in my life have I had trouble making friends, I’m a chatty person and I like meeting new people but I’ve been here three weeks and it like hitting my head against a wall. No one seems to like me or want to be friends and if I do find someone I can hold a conversation with the next day they are lost in the sea of people. There was a guy I had been texting all summer who is in one of my classes and when we met we arranged to go out for drinks. He cancelled on me 30 minutes before we were supposed to meet up leaving me alone in part of the city I didn’t know, with no vehicle and a dead cell phone. Discouraging isn’t a strong enough word for when someone likes you but as soon as they meet you in person they seem to instantly become disinterested. I know this doesn’t sound great becasue so many people don’t get to go to university, but the thought of sitting for hours between classes by myself makes me cry.
One of my highschool friends convinced me to go to a sorority recruitment meeting (yes, they apparently exist in Canada too, but much less elaborate then in the States, there are about 20 girls in both groups) and I expected stereotypical movie mean girls but they are so friendly and welcoming I instantly fell in love with a bunch of them in both groups and I think I could make some really good friends. But its $750 first year and $400 for each of the following years you are apart of it. That’s a lot of money no matter who you are, but especially for a student. They did break it down as to what everything’s for and if you join any other campus club even though the start up fee is $10, you have to pay for all your activities (ie: ski club: hotel rooms, passes, rentals, busses etc.) and this includes every activities and trips they do, it still is A LOT of money. It doesn’t help that my mom is completely and utterly anti-sorority. It not that I want her to pay or anything, if I do decide to do it I’ll work for it myself, it’s just I really need someone to talk this through with and not instantly say “your buying friends.” I don’t see it like that but sure, fine, I’m buying friends. That how everyone else sees it. At this point paying for the opportunity to spend time with the only people I have met on this damn campus who actually seem friendly doesn’t even sound like a bad thing. And then throw in actual school work and a part-time job.
I don’t know guys, all I know is I’m somehow sleeping too much and too little at the same time and I almost constantly feel ready to start crying and just feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. As weird as it sounds, I think it would almost be better to have moved across the country and be living away from home is residence, at least then I would have opportunity to meet people in my building.